


good for the soul

by thisandthisandthis



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Bisexual Elim Garak, Bisexual Julian Bashir, Fluff, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23997190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisandthisandthis/pseuds/thisandthisandthis
Summary: julian and garak’s weekly lunch conversation takes an unexpected turn. you know what cardassians say about confession.
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Elim Garak, Julian Bashir & Jadzia Dax, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 11
Kudos: 137





	good for the soul

**Author's Note:**

> (recently heavily edited this in order to fix the bad writing) i hope u all enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it :)
> 
> \- peach ([more fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisandthisandthis/works) // [my tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/ezrisbian))

When Julian saw a certain unmistakable figure enter Quark’s, his face broke out into a grin. “Hello Garak! I took the liberty of ordering drinks for both of us. Come, sit with me.”

“My dear Doctor.” Garak slid into the seat across from him.They exchanged pleasantries, and after a few moments, Garak procured a data stick from his pocket. “I have another piece of Cardassian literature for you, if you feel so inclined to read it. It is a book by Soren Laket. His works are quite controversial on Cardassia, but knowing your tastes in literature, I think you’ll find it to your liking.”

Garak smiled at Julian, eyes crinkling up in that certain way he had. Sometimes, he seemed so un-Cardassian, so caring. And yet Julian knew there was always that cunning, mysterious side to him — it was fascinating. Frightening, but fascinating.

Garak handed him the data stick. “Thank you,” Julian said, taking it from his friend’s hand. He was about to inquire as to the subject to the novel when a waiter appeared by their table, asking what they would like.

“Oh, nothing for me, I’m afraid,” Garak said. “Just a refill will do.” He handed him his glass with that wide piercing smile of his.

“And for you, Doctor?”

“Just a snack. I’ll have the Gramillian sand peas,” Bashir said, “with yamok sauce over them.” He gave him a strange look before shrugging his shoulders and returning to the kitchen.

“I’m glad you find yamok sauce to your liking, Doctor. So many non-Cardassians find our cuisine distasteful. And here I thought Bajorans had an appreciation for spiced foods.”

“Garak,” Julian said with fond exasperation, “I’m sure there’s not a Bajoran in the Alpha quadrant who would dream of proclaiming their love for Cardassian food.”

Garak nodded. “That is true. Perhaps Cardassia deserves some of the Bajoran spite that she gets, but certainly not for our food. Cuisine is one of the only things we haven't managed to get wrong.” He laughed and folded his hands on the table in front of him. His attention was fully fixed on Julian, and it was intoxicating.

The Doctor grinned fondly. “You’ll get no argument from me there. Now, I was going to ask you what the topic of this novel is.” He wiggled the data stick between two fingers. “You said that it’s controversial. I’m intrigued. Is Laket critical of the State?”

“Ah, Doctor, that is something you will find out as you read,” Garak said, leaning forwards with a sly smile. “I assure you, it’s worth a read. I’m sure you’ve heard the name Laket before. He’s one of the most recognized authors in Cardassian history.”

“I have, actually. But I’ve never read his work.” Julian thanked the waiter as he set a bowl in front of him. “If this book is so controversial, then why is he such a prominent name on Cardassia?”

“Tell me, Doctor, have you ever read a Cardassian romance?”

Julian gaped. “It’s a _love_ story?”

“And shockingly transparent about it, too.”

“I suppose that _love_ is considered taboo on Cardassia,” Julian said sarcastically.

“On the contrary, my dear Doctor.” Garak smirked and took a sip of his red leaf tea. “Such things are only looked down upon when they overpower the individual’s loyalty to the State. Romance itself is an honorable act of devotion to Cardassia — joining, or what you would call ‘marriage,’ shows one’s dedication to the Cardassian people. It is not about the couple itself, but rather the greater implications of commitment.”

Julian paused, frowning. “Is that really how you think of love, Garak?”

The other man gave him a tight smile. “I’m not sure my feelings on the matter are relevant.”

”Why not?”

Garak blinked. “Doctor, evidently as I am Cardassian, I hold the same values—“

”But it’s not that simple,” Julian interrupted. “Just because you’re Cardassian doesn’t mean you have to conform to every Cardassian ideal. Garak— have you ever been in love? Tell me, did it feel like it only mattered for the ‘greater implications?’ No sense of intimacy, no love just for the sake of _love?”_

Garak seemed annoyed by this little speech. “I see no reason for such things,” he said, unnaturally.

“You sound like a Vulcan.” Julian shook his head and laughed. “You’re a good man, Garak. There’s got to be a woman out there who could make you happy — who _you_ could make happy.”

“My dear, you evidently don’t understand. It’s a personal choice of mine to remain unjoined. Seeing as I will be stuck on this station indefinitely." He smiled, tense and awkward.

Julian’s eyes widened. "Garak, there are so many women on this station. Beautiful, intelligent women — you have plenty of opportunities!” He gestured with his spoon to the packed promenade. “If that’s something you want, you’d have no trouble

"Yes, my dear Doctor," Garak started, "but you are forgetting that I am a Cardassian.”

“I don’t see anything wrong with that. If someone took the time to get to know you, as I have…”

Garak sighed. He said, rather bitterly, “Cardassians join with Cardassians. Nobody else does.”

Julian opened his mouth, and promptly closed it. No words came out for a few moments. Finally, he replied, “Garak! Surely you wouldn’t let that stop you. You are unlike every other Cardassian I’ve met. Besides, you might be surprised by the amount of women who have no species preference whatsoever.”

“And you should know, my dear. You've pursued them all."

More amused than surprised, Julian put on a mock expression of shock. “And you know this how?” he asked, laughing.

“Your reputation precedes you. Anyway, you make your infatuation with miss Jadzia Dax quite apparent.”

“That’s _Lieutenant_ Dax to you, Garak,” Julian said, smirking. “And between you and me, I’ve given up on her. She’s elusive. There’s such a thing as playing too hard to get.”

“Or perhaps she is just uninterested?”

“Yeah, I’ve come to terms with that one. Just joking about it, is all.” He set down his spoon and lifted his glass, saying, “Cheers. To a future full of luck in love.”

Garak smirked and raised his own. “To luck in love,” he echoed, voice heavy with sarcasm. Julian rolled his eyes.

Nevertheless, they clinked glasses and drank, eyes locked. Julian lost himself for a second, gazing at his friend, and he downed his drink. Uhm. He fiddled awkwardly with his empty glass, not knowing what else to do with his hands. Julian made sure to keep his eyes down. He didn’t know why he kept getting lost in Garak’s intelligent cobalt eyes, but it almost frightened him.

“Romance,” Julian found himself saying, “completes people, Garak. Well, most people. Anyway, it would be good for you to find a woman on this station and make the most of the time you’ll be spending here. Let yourself be happy,” he finished quietly.

Garak raised his eyebrows. “Happy,” he muttered, staring down into his drink. He seemed to be deciding whether or not to speak. Suddenly, his face, all sharp features and Cardassian angles, softened in a way that Julian had never seen. “My dear Doctor, I value your companionship very much. Are you aware?”

Julian’s head jerked upwards, startled. “Why yes, of course — what does that have to do with...what I was…?”

As his voice trailed off, a funny feeling started to grow in his stomach. Associating Garak with, well, _romance_ … it made him think things he didn’t want to be thinking. Things like what over two years of once-a-week lunches, Cardassian literature, guessing about the past, and talking about history and the present and the future had meant to him. Things like what he hoped they meant to Garak. Things he ignored, or tried desperately to, because they were too complicated to ever make sense of on his own.

“We have known each other for quite a while now, haven’t we?” Garak asked in a soft voice. This wasn’t like him — he was talkative, about certain things anyway, with weaving words and eloquent speech. He wasn’t downcast eyes and cautious thoughts. This wasn’t Garak.

Julian nodded, unable to speak. For once in his life, he couldn’t find words, and he had no idea why.

“I truly value our time together. It makes living on this station a bit more bearable, and your company... I treasure it. I hope that you feel similarly.”

Julian nodded mutely again.

“Speak, Doctor, say something!” Garak said, and though he intended to sound exasperated, the words came out desperate.

“Yes,” Julian replied, voice cracking. “Yes, I, er, I do.”

“Good,” Garak said, regaining some of his composure. “Now, as you were saying to me earlier, engaging in relationships would ‘complete’ me. I, quite honestly, have never been interested in romantic entanglements, and yet.” He drew in a deep breath. “And yet I find myself meeting with you each week, anticipating our lunches together, producing endless topics for enlightening conversation which I hope you enjoy as much as I do. Wishing for something I know is well out of the question.” Garak laughed bitterly. “Now, at least I’ve gotten that pesky thing off my chest. You know what Cardassians say, ‘confession is good for the soul.’”

Julian wasn’t breathing.

“Garak —”

“Oh, Doctor, you mustn’t express your thoughts. I know exactly how you’re feeling — really, I shouldn’t have said anything at all. But here we are. I do have a penchant for getting into awkward situations.” He folded his hands in his lap and gave a tense, unnatural smile. “I have been meaning to say that for quite a while. It’s been quite the annoying secret. You mustn’t respond. I know where you stand, my dear.”

“Garak,” Julian said weakly, then cleared his throat. “You, ah, you don’t know what I’m feeling. You only think you do.”

Once again, their eyes met. It was horrible and tender and Julian was scared out of his wits, but he loved it. Oh, how he loved it.

“What are you saying?”

A simple question. Simpler than anything Garak ever asked of Julian, but the most difficult by far.

“I…” He swallowed and gathered his courage. He had thought about this more than he’d like to admit, and now that he was here on the precipice of something new and beautiful, he wasn’t going to back away like a frightened child. “Perhaps I… _wish_ as much as you do. For something I, as well, have thought was out of the question. And Garak…”

“Elim.” Those blue eyes were suddenly bright and wanting. “If you want it to be. Just plain, simple… Elim.”

Julian said the name together with him, tasting its syllables, liking the sound of it on his tongue. He looked at his friend in wonder, mind reeling — could this possibly be happening? Could it?

“Then — then, Julian, to you. I mean, if we’re going to go by first names I think it only right that you…call me...” he trailed off, realizing he was rambling, as Garak rose slowly from his seat.

“You have a shift soon,” he said.

“Yes. Yeah, I do.”

Bashir stood up as well. The two men never broke their gaze.

“Well, that’s settled, then, dear Julian.” Garak’s face broke into a smile, that smile he had that was so...well, just so him. Julian blinked and grinned.

“I guess it’s not as out of the question as you thought it was, then,” he said softly, and before he knew it, Garak’s hand was resting lightly on his shoulder, and he was pressing a small, lingering kiss to Julian’s cheek.

A kiss.

It was unexpected and wonderful; burning, and yet so soft and shy. It was so incredibly _Garak._ Julian’s eyelids fluttered closed and although it seemed to last an eternity, Garak was pulling away in seconds and smiling up at Julian’s furiously blushing face.

They beamed idiotically at each other. The scene probably looked comical from anyone else’s point of view: two men, a Cardassian and a Human, gazing into each other’s eyes like lovestruck fools. And they were. Lovestruck fools, that is.

“I’ll see you next week,” Garak said, his breath tickling Julian’s warm cheek. “I hope you find the time to read the novel I gave you. It’s quite worth it.”

“I will,” Julian said. “Perhaps if I finish it earlier, I’ll find you before the week is up.”

Garak smirked. “I’d like that, my dear,” he said, and swept out of the bar.

Julian stood in a daze, clutching the data stick in one hand and holding onto the tablecloth for dear life with the other. He hardly noticed when Jadzia came from across the room to stand in front of him, a grin twitching playfully at her lips.

“Hi Julian,” she said, hands on her hips, as she glanced down at the bowl of sand peas on the table. “Are you gonna finish that?”

“No,” he said, his mind very, very far away.

“Oh, is that yamok sauce? Never mind. I hadn’t pegged you as the type of person to have a taste for...well, for the Cardassian. Not until today, at least.”

Julian nodded. “Sure.”

She patted him on the shoulder, shaking her head. “I’ll just leave you to sort everything out on your own. And hey, Julian?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m happy for you.”

Jadzia left the Replimat with a smile on her face. She’d known that he would come around, sooner or later.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments and kudos are always appreciated <3
> 
> em hotep xx
> 
> \- peach ([more fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisandthisandthis/works) // [my tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/ezrisbian))


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